flying and falling
by the lola
Summary: 'So it goes from the moments of utter darkness to the moments of the brightest pleasure, and he just can't bring himself to care that they're never going to be because right now they are. To him, they are everything yet he knows they are nothing at the exact same time.' Albus considers his relationship with Gellert, and the type of person he is with and without him.


**Word Count: **625

**Challenge/Competition:** The Hunger Games Competition

**Prompts:** Albus/Gellert, Despair, "What are we going to do now?", Angst, 625 words

**Warnings: **None

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.

**Note: **I should probably add that my headcanon of Gellert is that he's undiagnosed bipolar, so he's very up and down on top of his naturally dark personality. He loves Albus a lot more when he's having a manic episode, but sometimes he needs Albus when he's on a down too. He's always clever and manipulative, though. It's what I went with when writing this.

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At times, Albus can barely let himself even breathe around _him_, who makes his own thoughts so constantly loud – a buzzing of bees, a chatter of children. He can't quite control himself around Gellert, who's behaviour is erratic, he's up and then he's down, the lines blur and then they're nothing but straight and everything is nothing but crystal clear.

_Gellert does not love. _

And Albus drowns. They're glass, and they chip sometimes. Chips turn into cracks though, and cracks cause shattering. Shards are piercing, they draw blood and they injure. Together, they walk a dangerous line. Manipulation is not love, Albus knows. But where does he draw the line? That, he does_ not _know.

The utterance of "What are we going to do now?" after that first brush of lips elicits a series of events even more unpredictable than before. It's a rollercoaster, a maze, an asylum and a walk in the park all combined. There's always that little, gnawing voice in the back of his skull that tells him _no_. That it's unpredictable for a reason, that it cracks for a reason, that it's dark for a reason. A bad one.

He is not this person. Albus will not do these things to people. It's not in the name of love; this is not love – it can't be – can it?

So it goes from the moments of utter darkness to the moments of the brightest pleasure, and he just can't bring himself to care that they're never going to _be_ because right now they are. To him, they are everything yet he knows they are nothing at the exact same time. They can enjoy each other for thousands of seconds or they can fight each other for hundreds of minutes.

Because one day, he's ruling the world… they're on top of the world, flying so high and so fast that elation just races through his veins and his thoughts are barely straight. But suddenly, everything is ripped from underneath him and ruling the world is no longer so metaphorical to Gellert.

With Gellert he's stuck in a kaleidoscope - confusion and colours. Though the illusion wears thinner, it's still enough to blind him. And it completely keeps the truth from Albus, so the realisation does not hit until it's too late. Until there's nothing he can do. Until Ariana is never coming back. Until his _friendship _with Gellert falls to pieces.

Everything becomes clear, and he makes a promise to himself that he will never be blind again. Still, his heart aches overwhelmingly as fractured memories break into his mind and draw out a pounding headache that doesn't let up for hours – days, maybe. Gellert and his unsympathetic face run through one half of his brain and the callousness of his expression is something Albus thinks he'll never be able to forget. But in the other half, his smiling face presents itself, their first kiss too, and memory after memory surfaces seemingly just to pull him under the weight of himself. If such thing as breaking point exists, this must be it.

There's a part of Albus that just wants to be better – to prove to himself and to his brother, that he can be better. That he _is _better. But the other part just wants to drown in his loss and his idiocy, and mentally berate himself for letting love get in the way with Gellert and Ariana. Because he could've saved her, because he should have kept her safe, and because Gellert didn't care – not really.

So all the good memories replace themselves with one bad over time and what was once love on his part, becomes hate. Everything is forgotten, except the pain which never subsides.

And Albus loses Gellert.

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**AN- **So, I hope you readers liked this? It's my first Gellert and Albus, but I really really loved writing it. They intrigue me so much. Sorry it's so sad, but could Albus and Gellert be anything but? Okay lovelies, please wish me lots of luck for this round of the competition & pretty please don't shut the tab without reviewing! x


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